Thorvarian Tales

We Be Goblins, Too!

Near Guardmore Abbey, the Licktoad Tribe of goblins had prospered for many long years in relative seclusion, happily setting things on fire, doing battle with goblins, and staying out of the way of the Orcs who occupied the human ruins. Alas, such was not to be the case forever, as one morning a patrol of Orcs arrived and demand that the best warriors of the tribe be handed over to them for conscription. Thus, Reta Bigbad, Chuffy Lickwound, Poog of Zarongel, and Mogmurch found themselves heading south to lay siege to the human city of Thorvar. Being goblins, they generally gave a half effort and, at the first opportunity, deserted and fled back to their village. Unfortunately, they found that Guardmore was now back in human hands and those hands had promptly smashed and scattered the Licktoads.

Given the betrayal of their former compatriots, few tears were shed for the goblins former compatriots. However, the group knew that there was strength in numbers and, as such, wished to find another goblin tribe. The Birdcrunchers were nearby, but on their way to their warren, the group couldn’t help but notice that no sentries or other settlers were in the nearby lands to challenge them. The answer came when they were informed by Wise Mummy Sprattleharsh, shaman of the Birdcrunchers, that their chief had failed to drive an ogre (Pa Munchmeat) and his firebreathing hogs from their vicinity. The erstwhile Licktoads were enlisted for this task, after participating in a Chief Moot wherein they fired arrows blindfolded at flocks of birds, stomped stirges with human sized boots, and escaped from a gigantic pie. When the dust settled, Reta was declared chief of the Birdcrunchers, with all the rights and privileges she was therefore entitled to enjoy (mostly looting the Birdcruncher treasures.)

Unfortunately, the group was now required to go deal with Pa Munchmeat. After encountering one of his fire breathing pigs on the way to the farm (it was discovered that Pa provided his pigs with gourds filled with a weakened Potion of Fire Breathing to eat), they crept into the farm. Mogmurch’s plan was to use a pie loaded with Sovereign Glue found amongst the Birdcruncher’s treasures to trick and disable Pa, giving them time to dispatch them. Being goblins, however, this plan was quickly abandoned in favor of simply setting Pa’s chicken coops on fire to draw him out. In the ensuing melee Pa’s daughter, her Dire Ferret animal companion, and the Owlbear from beneath Pa’s house were killed. Mogmurch, finding his clever pie distraction no longer to be a part of the plan, elected instead to hurl it onto the ogre’s face and disable him this way. Thus was Pa Munchmeat brought low before the might of the Birdcruncher tribe, and a clutch of Owlbear Eggs acquired to the horror of all other sentient races living nearby.

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